Wednesday, March 10, 2010

How Does This Happen?

A disadvantage to our apartment is its proximity to a cluster of dumpsters. Two are the city dumpsters in the alley right behind us, so when we take our own garbage out we don't have to walk far at all. (That is when they aren’t filled with construction debris from the hick neighbors across the way and there’s room for our refuse.)

The third is a blue, private dumpster that belongs to the convenience store around the corner. (By convenience store, I mean the conveniently sell the necessities of life: liquor, cigarettes, lotto tickets, generic Doritos, and outdated canned fruit.)

In the heat of summer, walking by the city dumpsters is a little fragrant. The eyesore of the dumpsters is that all year, stray garbage blows through our yard. There was just an empty package of Kraft cheese on our back walkway. I know it’s not ours. I don’t think I’ve ever purchased name-brand shredded cheese. I also saw a crushed box of light beer- another product I’ve never purchased. The box frame is a new low.

So I wondered to myself, how did this happen? Step 1: Unknown person brings box frame to alley, and not on the week of the month when large-item pick up is schedule. Unknown person decides to lean the box spring up against the mattress.

Step 2: The dumpster is picked up and emptied by private sanitation firm. As the dumpster is lifted up, the mattress falls flat, and is now underneath the dumpster as the dumpster is lowered to the ground.

Step 3: Each week the dumpster is picked up, emptied, and replaced on the box spring.

Step 4: After several weeks of having a dumpster land on top of it, the box spring is now just a collection of broken boards held together by stapled-on nylon fabric.

Step 5: After millions of years of decay, the box spring returns to nature. Except for the nylon fabric. That never dies.

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Anonymous said...

Maybe you should've taken that up with Pres. Obama while he was there today - Kate

Jo Ellen/Toots said...

It's pathetic, but I'm laughing. Love, Toots

The Hammer said...

that is the coolest story ever.